the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
BRING THE BAGELS
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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