it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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