I want to make a zoo with you.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
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im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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