Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
