my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
