You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
