some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Can you bring me the toilet please
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
