Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
