I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
