It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
