So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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