just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
