you mean i was at the winter classic?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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