I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
