you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
