I wanna bring you to show and tell
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
