dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
