I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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