I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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