Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I need water and some morals
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
