Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
