you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
