I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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