Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Are we still banned from the library?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
