She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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