Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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