So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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