i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
