He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
