In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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