I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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