so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
