the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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