New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This is classic penis vs brain.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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