Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Someone signed my nipple.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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