I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
