You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
