the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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