$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
