I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i don't like sucking hair
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
