I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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