using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
