So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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