when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
