I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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