The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
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the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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