hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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