you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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