I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
