My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we made out on top of his cat.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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