The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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