Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
