we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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