we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
