doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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