Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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