How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
