I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
