tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
