I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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