SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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