Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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