I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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