i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
