I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
