This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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