So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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