smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
420 ftw
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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