I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
