this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
