So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
