Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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