I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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