question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
