there's paper in my vomit.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
