he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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