Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
