I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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