my mouth tastes like poor choices
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
