it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
