I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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