I think I died a long time ago.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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