what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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