my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
