I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
