bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
