he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
