it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
