We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
